Saturday, August 6, 2016

Life

A place where fear did not exist and no one was afraid of anything may sound like a dream, but that is what our reading for tomorrow in Luke invites with, "Fear not little flock,". And so, when my husband suggested, that I imagine about a world where no one has fear, I thought, yes, that is a place to imagine and may provide something about which to write.
I bet there would be no need there. Because everyone would share from what they have and they also would not hoard things. People would not save because they would believe that they would be taken care of not only tonight, but also for all the tomorrows there were left. And not only for themselves, but also their children. And Oh, would there be children. Just think of how many children there would be running around. No one would fear loosing their beloveds out of jealousy, because they would trust people would stay together out of the pure choice of their hearts. Because, they wanted to, not out of fear of being alone or fear of being forgotten, but out of pure trust. That all would be taken care of until life ended. Then what? Well then, there would be no fear of what comes afterwards. Perhaps there would be much longer life, as stress would be less. Less high blood pressure, less stress or anxious eating, less drinking and drugging to dull the pain or stop the fear of pain, because all fear is gone.
Geez, this could get good.
And what about the crime that did occur? Would there be any crime? Really? Because if there was no fear then the very thought of something being a crime would not exist. Perhaps even the idea of inequality would disappear. Differences would simply be that, differences. No fear associated with something new and strange, simply different.  No fear of someone having more or possible having less. Oh, now that's too simple.
But, wouldn't it be nice.
I bring it up because my husband and I talk about our anxieties, and yes they often revolve around money, or rather the lack of it. However, in our conversations I remembered another experience I had, that related to the readings and my personal relationship, with fear.
I was staying at a retreat house called "Lebh Shomea", in Sarita, Texas, for ten days of silence. It was the Christmas of 1999, a year into my move, to Texas. It's a beautiful eden-like place with fairly simple and also extravagant accommodations. I say extravagant, because they really do engender, silent contemplation. And to me, that is dreamy. In a good way.
IT was, I believe the first night, in the little hacienda named, "Solomon" where my panic sort of started to rise. The fear entailed, an image I had of a man walking through the door of my really rather open aired dwelling. The bed lie with its head toward the window and feet facing the door with the bathroom ahead to the right.

And rise the panic did. I felt tense and scared, not to mention vulnerable. I thought, what is to keep him from doing me in. And as this went on for what seemed like an eternity, I suddenly thought. These are simply my thoughts and they have absolutely no basis, in reality. It was like coming out of a bad dream. The panic settled and I could see what was my fear, my own created fear. And I think it was like a miracle. I really slept well the rest of my times there and stayed on at least 7 more occasions, sometimes alone, sometimes with seminary friends and twice with my spouse, first when we were not married and then when we were married.

Never did the fear return and I think I grew up a little.

Thanks for thinking, with me, of a world without fear. Perhaps, someday, we could make it a reality.

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